happy without me
by kamwashere
Summary: "I know that he's happy, and I respect that. I just wish it was with me." - A coda to 8x8 - Clear Day. Keith and Pidge share a bonding moment. [AO3 work ID number: 17095292]


'Okay, let me know if she's feeling better.'

'I will, number four. Get some rest, now.' Despite Coran's cheery tone, Keith can still the lines in his face.

'You too, Coran.' Keith says then turns his back, worried for the princess.

It's been only a day since Allura's abrupt collapse and everyone, even the MFE's are worried sick. No one knows what happened. Coran just found her lying on the floor, the black, eerie life form nowhere in sight. Coran's theory is that somehow, the creature was somehow unleashed and knocked Allura out. It is still unknown whether it had escaped or not.

Keith bites his lips. As much as he was anxious about the princess, he really was tired. He's on his way to his living quarters when he hears it. The unmistakable sound of someone sniffling. He stops suddenly, and realises that the sound couldn't have been coming from a 35-mile distance. He pricked his ears and listened carefully, making sure his footsteps are light. Ever since he found out that he was Galran, he now understands more than ever why his senses are more sensitive than most. Keith also uses that as an advantage during combat. He supposes that in some way, he was always hardwired to fight (now he certainly understands all those bouts of anger and impulsiveness from 11-year old Keith)

Not that fighting comes up every time. Sure, there are some cases where they have to defend themselves from their adversaries. But being a paladin-slash-leader of Voltron means that they have to be diplomatic— you can't punch your way through everything, a lesson he would have appreciated when he was much younger.

As he creeps closer to the source of sounds, Keith is brought into one of the ATLAS' isolated hallways. From where he is standing, he could now clearly see tufts of light brown hair. He sighs, worried for the young genius. She is sitting on a window stool, her face buried on her arms, which is resting on top of her knees. She looks so small— a sense of overprotectiveness seizes him. Pidge rarely cries, and she certainly doesn't do it in front of someone so Keith doesn't know how to approach her. Pidge wipes her nose, and sniffs— eyes red from fresh tears. 'Hey.' he hesitantly speaks, loud enough for the two of them to hear.

Pidge wobbles in shock from his sudden arrival, she turns her head on the side and is met by Keith with an apologetic expression. 'Keith, oh my God, you scared me half to death! What if you had been a Galra or something?'

'Well,' he trails off. She rolls her eyes, 'You know what I mean.'

'Uh, you okay? What happened?' Keith asks, feeling awkward for even asking. He has never been good with comforting people, or talking to people, or even being with people in general. When he was on Earth, unbeknownst to intergalactic war and space lions, he sometimes used to berate himself for being so antisocial. He's okay with being in the presence of other people, just interacting with them— that was out of the question. But now he learnt a lot, he supposes He's Keith, paladin of the Black Lion and one of the defenders of Earth now, not just Keith, the antisocial weirdo with anger issues. He's grown and matured enough, and he learns that there is more to life than just bloodied bruises and lonely shack in the middle of the desert.

'Yeah, I guess,' She looks away, her nose bright red. Her puffy eyes are glassy with tears yet to be shed. Keith feels an ache in his chest at the sight of it. He sits on the floor, cross-legged, since there was obviously no room for him beside Pidge. He crosses his arms, determined not to leave his fellow Paladin. 'Come on, you can tell me anything. We're a team, remember?' He encourages, slightly concerned that he's being too pushy.

Pidge turns her away, looking off into space, silent as a deer. Keith sighs, but he doesn't get up. If Pidge was really not in a mood to talk, she would have told him, right?

As a few doboshes pass, Keith starts having doubts. What if Pidge really wanted him to go away, but is embarrassed to say it to his face? Just when he starts thinking about leaving, she speaks, 'I really thought today would be great.'

'Huh?' Keith asks, like some idiot. But she didn't seem to mind. In fact, she looks lost in thought.

'I thought, 'Clear Day? Okay, I can do that,' After all, Shiro said to boost morale,' Pidge leans her head on the side. 'And you know, I really was having fun. It's been so long since I have been on an arcade. And I guess, it was refreshing to forget "saving the world" and "defeating Honerva" or whatever." She pauses then turns to Keith, looking alarmed. 'I didn't mean that—'

'Hey, it's fine,' Keith smiles. 'I get it.'

She visibly deflates, but still looks a bit guilty. 'Don't get me wrong, I love being a Paladin. Sometimes, I think that this is exactly where I'm supposed to be. Like it's my destiny or something. But, I don't know, I guess I'm a little—'

'—tired?' He supplies. Keith has been like that, and more.

'Yeah,' she stutters. They were quiet for awhile, with Pidge resting her chin on her knees, her short legs tucked up and her wide glasses perched on the tip of her nose. She looks… different now. Much more grown up. Well, they all did but Pidge is much more noticeable cause, well she's really small. The hard furrow on her forehead doesn't bode well with her delicate, young face but at the same time, she looks fiercer. Wiser, too. Keith copies her posture— both of them staring at the infinite swirls of stars and space dust scattered from beyond the window, the dulled droning of ATLAS mech and the slight, vibration on Keith's feet are almost peaceful. He would have been content just sitting like this but then, he remembers something.

'Pidge, you still haven't told me why you were crying.'

'Oh,' There was a pause, 'I guess I haven't.' She heaves a deep, long-suffering sigh.'Okay, so remember when we had to go back? Because Allura passed out?'

Keith nods, feeling grim. Allura is probably still resting as of now, with Lance is watching over her as they speak, upholding his duty as her boyfriend. He shakes his head, ignoring the twinge in his chest. Now's not the time.

'Well, after we checked up on Allura, I decided to go to the galley 'cause I was hungry, okay, and uh, Hunk was there,' Her eyes drooped low, but a tinge of red dusts her cheeks. 'and he was teleconferencing with Shay.'

Keith waited for a few ticks to pass before realising that Pidge was done talking. That was it? But what has that got to do with—

'Oh,' he breathes. 'Pidge, I'm—'

'It's fine, it's.. whatever.' She still isn't looking at him but there is a slight quiver in her voice. Guess he wasn't the only one hiding unrequited feelings around here. 'Pidge—'

'Keith, seriously, it's fine. Drop it, okay?'

'I'm sorry.' He doesn't know what to say, because really, what is there to say to someone who longs for something that could never happen? In their case, someone.

'It's fine,' she repeats, 'Besides, I'm too young for him, anyway.'

'That's bullshit, age doesn't matter.'

'It does when he's Hunk, and he's just so,' she sighs. '.. and I'm just me.'

'Pidge, listen,' he stumbles with his words a bit, feeling passionate. 'I know we're not as close as you and Hunk, or you and Lance but I consider you as one of my best friends and I think you're an amazing person. You're literally a genius, and you have a connection with everyone that I don't have. Don't sell yourself short.'

She turns to him but he keeps talking, 'And if I know Hunk, I'm sure he would appreciate someone amazing and incredible liking him.'

Pidge stares at Keith, eyes watery. Her lower lip starts trembling as she jumps off to tackle him with a hug. He yelps and catches the girl in his arms. A strong feeling of sisterly bond rests deep inside his stomach. He might have hit his head on the floor, but he couldn't seem to care at this point. 'Thanks, Keef.' She whispers on his shoulders.

'I know I shouldn't have let Lance call me that.' He mutters, but he doesn't mind. In fact, he might be fond of it.

Pidge breaks away and smirks at him. 'Too late,' There was a glint on her eyes, it's faint but it's there. 'Also, speaking of Lance…'

'What about Lance?'

'Keith.' she drawls.

'What?'

'Dude,' she rolls her eyes. 'C'mon.'

'W-what?' He replies, clueless. 'Am I missing something?'

Pidge's eyes soften and bumps her shoulders with his. 'I have eyes, you know. I've seen the way you look at him.'

Keith tenses and his eyes travels back to the stars outside the window. He watches as a red one orbits around a faint blue one. 'Yeah, I guess I do look at him often.'

'Is that it, really? Dude.'

He chuckles. 'I don't know what you want me to say!'

'The juicy stuff! Like what made you realise you like him?! Is there something wrong with you—'

'Yeah, no, this is not happening.' Keith shakes his head firmly, making her pout. She rests her cheek on Keith's shoulder, sitting cross-legged while his chin still propped up on his legs. 'I'm happy for him.' he says quietly. Pidge snorts.

'I am! I know that he's happy, and I respect that. I just..' he pauses, his throat hitching up. 'I just wish it was with me.' he admits. It was hopeless, he knows but it's not like there was anything he could do about it. All he could do is be there for him, as a teammate and a friend, and long for him and what they could have been.

'Man, we're real idiots falling in love with people we could never have, huh?' Pidge jokes, but her tone is flat.

'Yeah, that's one way to put it.' Keith laughs but he doesn't smile. Instead he wipes his the tear that rolled down on his cheek and tries to ignore the deep ache in his lungs.


End file.
